


Hold On - Cause I Can't Live Without You

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Episode: s02e22 SWAK, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-15
Updated: 2008-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived atMTAC, an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address onthe MTAC collection profile





	1. # 1 The Color Of Ruin

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

  
Author's notes: Three tiny little drabbles following the episode 2x22 SWAK. Can each be seen as a stand alone but they belong together in a way.  
  
I would be happy about your opinion. Thanks in advance.  


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**#1 The Color Of Ruin**

Tony’s POV

I had been almost convinced that I wouldn’t get out of the living hell I managed to put myself in this time. Almost. I was sure that I wouldn’t make it. I knew I was in a critical condition and the moment they all left me alone in that glass cage with the disturbing blue of the UV-lights shining on my face I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that my time had come. Even though I was thirty-three and therefore still in the best of my years.

Not being able to do anything else I listened to the constant humming of the neon lamp and watched the flickering blue light. It made me crazy but I was too exhausted from coughing and trying to get my breath back that I was too weak to be frustrated. Blue began to become very much number one on my list of hated colors. Right at the moment I would probably even prefer pink or neon-green.

I had been more than happy when Dr. Brad Pitt and Nurse Emma had turned off the blue light overnight. I had at least been able to catch some minutes of sleep between the hacking and loss of breath. And I had been glad that the summing didn’t keep me from falling asleep again after my yearning for oxygen had been stilled. But now, early in the morning – before my regular time of waking up during work – they had turned the lamps on again. Once again the room was bathed in that unnerving blue.

I grew more and more tempted to obliterate the UV-lights above my head. All I wanted was a few hours more of non-disturbed sleep without the bur and without the hacking and most of all without the blue color. I knew the first thing I would do after I got out of this hell – if I got out of it at all – would be to ban everything blue from my daily life, including my favorite jeans, that’s for sure. ‘Cause blue is nothing more than a color that could ruin all the faith you have…


	2. #2 Hold On

**#2 Hold On**

Gibbs’ POV

When Gibbs stepped through the electric double doors of isolation in Bethesda Tony was asleep. For once, he seemed settled, as if he had finally found some peace. For a while there was no sound other than the silent beeping of the machines next to the agent’s bed and a buzzing from the ceiling, Gibbs immediately realized coming from the UV-lights.

Frowning at what must be more than disturbing for Tony and his oversensitive ears he took a few steps closer to the bed. Honestly, DiNozzo looked like crap. The pale almost white skin, the slight shivering of his wrecked body, his blue lips and fingertips which looked almost black, and his raspy breathing made him look old and vulnerable. He knew his man had been through a lot throughout his life, but this sight was disturbing.

Closing his eyes in an attempt to stop the heartache the picture in front of him caused, he sighed in contempt of the woman that had done this to his agent. It hurt to see the once so vibrant, humorous young man in a state in which even moving to another position was excruciating. And it hurt even more to think about how close the man in front of him was to dying, still on the edge, still not out of range.

The dull ache beneath his chest told Gibbs that if he didn’t act soon, he might not be able to tell the childlike man what he meant to him. He moved his hands to the sheets, slowly and with such a care not to wake his friend from his hopefully peaceful sleep, pulling it further under Tony’s chin. Hoping that it would stop DiNozzo from shivering all too much. He brushed past the light brown hair that was the silkiest Gibb had ever known. At the moment it was damped with sweat and straggly as if it hadn’t been shampooed for a few days.

“Hold on, Tony”, he all about whispered into the empty room. “I need you to hold on. I need you to survive. I need you.” He wasn’t able to let his words sound as grumpy as usual or at least neutral. In fact, he didn’t care at all what he might sound like. And when one single pleading tear rolled down his cheek he didn’t expend the effort to wipe it away. Instead he lost himself in his thoughts, silently praying that Tony would get better…


	3. #3 The Color Of Hope

**#3 The Color Of Hope**

Tony’s POV

I never believed that I would be granted life just once more. I had near-death experiences often enough during my career and I had been convinced that my seven cat life’s must have been exhausted by now. But obviously someone couldn’t live with the thought that I should die without the one experience everyone should have at least one time throughout his years of living. So somehow I had been able to fight against the low survival rate and prove that I didn’t count to the average population.

Dr. Brad Pitt had kept me in the glass house about a week longer until he was convinced that my lungs were capable enough to face a less cleaned air than that in isolation again. Actually he wanted to wait a little bit longer, but I didn’t intend to stay under the blue light one minute longer than necessary. He had accepted probably not quite sure if it was good to retreat so soon but he got the point, why I wanted to get out of there so badly.

Today, ten days after that, I’ve finally been released. Too fortunate to even argue with Gibbs about his idea of taking me home with him for a few days. Every single time he would have done that before I got myself infected with a disease from the Middle Ages, but not this time. Not ever after that incident that had almost brought my life to an end.

Later, several hours after Gibbs had picked me up at the hospital, I sat on the comfortable cozy couch in Gibbs’ living room, a thick brown and crème colored quilt draped over me. I had refused to take the blue one that had already been lying on the sofa when Gibbs and I had entered his house earlier. It reminded me too much of the two and a half weeks in the hospital.

Snuggling on my bosses lap I listened to the flickering flames in the chimney. The red color warmed me up inside and out. Lost in the moment, I almost didn’t hear Gibbs, when he spoke quietly, close to my ear. “You know… I was afraid I’d loose you the jiffy you opened that letter.” He shifted ever so slightly. “I can’t live without you, Tony.” I turned my head to look at him and the second our eyes met I knew that blue wasn’t that demolishing at all. Because right that second blue was the best thing I had ever seen in my entire life…

**~Fin**


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